What pain in my life looks like is anger and sadness. I snap, a lot. I also withdraw from pretty much everyone in my life. I don't want to do the things that I like to do, mostly because I can't do them like I did before. That leads to feeling sorry for myself that I can't do the things I want. That makes me sad because I can't do what I want for my children. Even during my really good times with almost no pain, I can't do what a lot of people do for fear of getting hurt. I can't climb all over the playground equipment with my children. I accept this, but when the pain is bad, It makes me incredibly sad and angry. When the pain is bad, I have trouble seeing the joy. I see all I can't do instead of all I can.
The pain started letting up again the beginning of July. I'm still on the upswing. Yet, like every time after I have a long period of severe pain, I can't seem to quite get back to me as quickly as I'd like. I'm always nervous of waking up and the pain will be back. I tend to take it easy. I also fatigue lot more quicker than I did in the months prior to the pain. We went to the fair at the beginning of August, which meant a lot of walking, but a lot more just standing around waiting for the kids to get off of rides. After about 5 hours of the fair, my body was done. The need to sit came right around hour 3. The limping started at about hour 4. By the time we left, there was literally nothing I could do physically other than sit. Even standing at the kitchen counter was too painful. The next day, I was a little fatigued, but made sure I took it easy as to not aggravate it anymore. That's not normal for someone my age. Aside from the pain, I'm actually in good health, for which I am very thankful. Unfortunately, with the pain comes migraines. Migraines bring a whole different kind of pain, but still pain that stops you from being able to enjoy life.
Pain is a tough thing for people to understand because you can't see it. You never the extent of pain a person is in since you aren't the one living it. People always have tons of "advice", but no one can fix what you feel. Worse yet, you can't fix what you are feeling. I try to always push through the pain, and most of the time, it works. Yet, there are days that is no pushing through. There are days that there is nothing I can other than sit. People on the outside don't understand how draining that is mentally.
So, be kind to people that you meet. You don't know what struggles they are facing. And if I seem a little slower or a little angrier, it's OK to not ask me what's wrong. I will tell you I'm fine no matter what. Because pain is something that just can't be explained.