There are lessons to be learned all around us. There are signs, screaming at us to pay attention. Sometimes, it’s through others’ stupidity that we are reminded to stop and look at our signs and figure out our lessons. When you wonder how a person can be so blind to the huge signs around them that are answering their own questions, it gives you pause to look at your signs. Now, I admit, sometimes I need multiple signs, but usually I catch on. Albert Einstein said, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.” We are all insane in some aspects, but, there comes a point where this is also stupidity, and I am not a stupid person. If there is one thing that Facebook has given to us, it’s the ability to see others’ stupidity and insanity. When I see this, I stop and take a giant look at all the signs around me. What am I missing? Sometimes, there is nothing. Usually, though, the sign is that my gut instincts were right and I’m on the right path. From others’ insanity comes lessons of what life should not be like. Those posts are signs. They smack me in the face and I try to learn a lesson.
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I have been extremely overwhelmed lately. Not just the holiday season, so much longer than that. Maybe I’ve always been this overwhelmed, but it’s finally taking its toll. That seems more likely.
I’m a list maker. I like things neat and orderly. I seem live with people who thrive in chaos, but that’s another story. Each day, I wake up and I make my list. Over the years, my list making has gotten more detailed, but also more realistic. I’m not going to add “mow lawn” just because it needs to be done if I don’t have the time to do it. I used to that, but then things didn’t get done, I would get down on myself, even though I knew my lists were not realistic. The thing about lists is that there are so many things that don’t get put on the list. I don’t write “do dishes”. I do dishes every day, all day. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner dishes. If I bake, there are obviously dishes that go with that. Cooking requires dishes and my family likes to eat three meals a day. “Make dinner” or breakfast or lunch, does not go on the list. Yet those things take time and prep work. “Take kids to school”, “pick kids up”, “take [Sunshine] to dance”, “take [Monster] to karate”, these don’t go on the list, but, again, take up my time. These are things that I just have to do, every day. Then there is the list. Laundry is also something that just has to be done, but I no longer write “laundry”. That word is just overwhelming and there is no way I can get it all done in one day. “Wash towels” is more specific and manageable. So many specific little things like this get put on the list. “Vacuum bathroom”. “Mop kitchen”. “Pay electric bill”. My list is always a mile long of things like this. Then this became overwhelming. Everything on the list is manageable, but there left no time for the things I wanted to do. I decided that if it was going to get done, I needed it to put on my list. I began putting things like “yoga” on the list. Hell, I even started to put “shower” on my list to make sure I got one in. This worked for a while. List was still realistic and manageable. Then, it shifted again. I now look at my “wants” like they are “have to’s” and I get overwhelmed and frustrated. I’ve started to dread things that used to bring me joy. “Take dog for walk” seems like a task that needs a check instead of something enjoyable. I’m not sure where I can find balance anymore. I stare at the things on my list with dread again. When I don’t get the list completed, I feel like a failure. My life is so full of “have to’s” that I can no longer tell what’s a “want to”. I’m trying to take a step back. Breathe. I’m trying to determine what it is I really want to have time to do. I’m trying to remember that it’s OK if I don’t complete my list. I have a long way to go. I know I will be overwhelmed with all of the “have to’s” for a time, still, but I am working on it. Baby steps. |
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