Maybe I notice gender bias more because I'm female. Maybe I notice it more because, in college, we were actually taught how to include girls in the classroom. Let that sink in for a moment. Just 20 years ago, they were teaching how to include girls in the classroom. Maybe it's because I'm raising an independent female. Yet, there are certain areas that still are geared heavily towards men, and I notice.
Coaching soccer is one of these areas. I am one of the few female coaches in our division. Before this season, my daughter played in an all female league. We have all females being coached by mostly males. I am not saying there is anything wrong with that. In fact, the dad I coach with is awesome. We have a great system and work very well together. I'm fairly certain that if he didn't treat me as his equal, his wife would kick his butt. Whether they realize it or not, male coaches treat female coaches differently. There is one coach that won't even acknowledge my presence on the field. He will walk right over to our male coach, chat with him and never once look at me, even though I am standing directly next to our male coach. Maybe he doesn't even know he's doing it (I'm fairly certain he does), but he's teaching not only the girls on his team, but on ours as well, that males deserve more respect than females.
This year, thanks to COVID, our league has become co-ed. A lot of girls' parents were not happy with this. A lot of them said they wouldn't have signed their daughters up if they would have known. The reason for this is because, especially at this age, boys think they are better than girls. Period. Society has definitely shown boys they are more valuable, so, at this age, boys are testing the waters of how to treat females. I am highly impressed with the boys on our team this far. For the most part, they don't act like they are better than the girls. That being said, my daughter noticed something I didn't. At the beginning of practice, to help everyone with names, we do a passing circle. After our last practice, Sunshine mentioned how all of the boys, except one, always passed to other boys. Looking back on it, she's right. At the time, I thought nothing of it. The girls mostly pass to girls, but it's not just one of them who will pass to a boy. There was only one boy who would get the ball and pass to a girl. We have yet to play a game, but in scrimmages, our boys pass to our girls, which is more than one of them teams we scrimmaged.
The "Boys' Club" does not only apply to sports, but since it's our daughter that does most of the sports in our family, it's where I see it most. Sunshine's tennis coach is male. The majority of Sunshine's softball coaches (she's played since age 4) have been male. Soccer referees, ski instructors, basketball coaches, karate instructors, all mostly male. While we have famous women who play all sorts of sports, there are very few women who are coaching our girls at a local level.
My father is the one who taught me to fight to break that glass ceiling. He taught me that I am just as tough as any boy and I can do anything. Even with that, I watch how he treats my son and my daughter differently. I am sure he doesn't even realize he's doing it. Society just has it ingrained in us that girls can't do the same things boys.
Outside of sports, I have to fight hard to be seen as an equal. My husband likes to tell the story of when we were buying our first vehicle together. It was actually his car, but I went along shopping. The salesman made a specific point to show me that the sun visors had mirrors on them so I could do my make up. Anyone who knows me personally knows how funny this is just to begin with, but this poor salesman did not know what he was about to get. I nodded my head and batted my eyes, since it was very obvious that's what he expect. We went back to his office to negotiate and Husband just sat back, knowing what was coming. I had every last fact and detail about that Jeep. I asked questions that the men are normally asking. I laid into the guy who wanted to sell me a vehicle based on mirrors. Don't ever underestimate a woman, especially one you just insulted.
Since I'm currently the one at home all the time, I'm the one who has to deal with the majority of issues that arise. In so many areas, I need to fight for the men to even take me seriously. When I find professionals who treat me like an equal, I tend to stick with them. We've had the same plumbers for 17 years because, even when I have poop soap bubbles covering the walls and pouring out for the toilet due to a YouTube video (pro tip, don't ever put Dawn down your toilet, no matter what YouTube says), they don't treat me like I'm a stupid girl who doesn't know anything. We fired a roofing company because the guy kept calling me "Sweetheart" and refused to actually explain things to me. We changed heating/cooling companies because the salesman they sent out would not give me a quote on what I asked for since I knew nothing about furnaces and air conditioners. I may not know how to install it, but I know what I want and I'm capable of understanding the mechanics of the units when they are explained.
It's not just strangers I have to fight with to be taken seriously. My kids go to my husband with their math, science, and history questions. I graduated in the top 10% of my high school class. I graduated from college with Honors. I took higher levels of math and sciences than my husband, yet, my kids go to him. Language Arts? They come to me. I don't mind the kids going to my husband for homework help because, honestly, it's one less thing on my plate, but I don't like that they feel I'm incapable of helping.
It's been an interesting transition in my "professional" (I use that term loosely since I'm still figuring out what I'm doing in life) world to watch the evolution of the "Boys' Club", as well. When I started out teaching, the majority of elementary school teachers were female. They actually still are. Yet, the administration was mostly male. At the time, I worked under one of the one only female principals in our district. Twenty years later, there has been a noticeable shift. There are many more female principals, still mostly elementary level, but there are more. In the districts around me, we have yet to see a female superintendent, but I feel like education is an area that women can more easily gain access to "male" roles. Breaking into the world of technology, that's more difficult. I am capable of doing the same work as a man, but people have less confidence in a woman when it comes to technology. Sure there are things I don't know how to do, but it has nothing to do with my gender, just my experience. Husband is a computer guy, but in a different way that what I do. I can build websites and do online marketing, whereas he can make the physical computer work and create different programs. They are two completely different areas and still people see him as more competent with computers than me. Every day, females are breaking into typical male careers, but they need to fight so much harder to show their worth.
As a parent, I take my job very seriously. I need to be raising a girl who sees no limits. I need to be raising a boy who is a gentleman, yet sees females as equals. It's not an easy task. We teach so many contradictory things that are societal norms. Add in people not knowing the difference between bossy and leader, and you have a bunch of egocentric males and females who are just fighting for personal gain.
The death of Ruth Bader Ginsburg should make anyone who has a female in their life and wants to see them succeed, cringe. It should make you think about who you want to be. Who you want your wife to be. Who you want your daughter to be. Who you want your granddaughter to be. If you want a world of subservient women,then I guess you're happy. If you want strong, empowered females, then get out and make a difference. Let the women in your life know they can do and be anything. More importantly, support them on their journey and put an end to the "Boys' Club."
Thank, you RBG, for all that you did for women.