One year ago, when the schools gave us news they were closing for three weeks, I remember thinking it was only a matter of time before the library closed, too. Anyone who knows my kids knows that they can not go three weeks with no books, so I ran to the library and literally checked out over 50 books. Just for those “three weeks”. Sure enough, March 14, 2020, the library announced they would be closing.
One year ago, the boy’s hair was a little long. I remember thinking, if schools closed and the library closed, what was next? March 15, 2020, I ran him to Great Clips to get a haircut. Four days later, everything closed.
Three weeks, everyone came together. People checked on each other. People stayed close to their families. The world started to heal itself. Waterways got cleaner. Air got cleaner. Then, it stopped. Three weeks turned into an additional month. And people stopped caring. They stopped checking in on neighbors. They stopped being polite. They stopped being decent humans. They began showing their true, selfish colors. Never once did I think that, a year later, we’d be in the same place.
This year has been both damaging as well as encouraging. I previously wrote about the toll this year has taken on my anxiety. It has not only amplified my anxiety, but this year, there has been an increase in mental health issues across the board. More people are suffering from depression, anxiety, and varying personality disorder, than ever before. Yet, there is still a huge stigma on mental health and, as a nation, we turn a blind eye and refuse to address these issues.
People have shown us who they are this year. Even people we thought we knew, have shown their true selves. This is both a positive and a negative. This year has taught me who I want to associate with and who I choose to cut ties with. Cutting ties is not always a bad thing. By cutting ties with some, I have left more room in my life to deepen friendships and get to know others.
I would not trade the time I have gotten to have with my children this year for anything. I have three short years left with my son being home. Fourteen years have passed in the blink of an eye. For half of this school year, he was either online full time or hybrid (the schedule was different for my daughter, who was either online full time or in person full time). What this looked like for us was days where he and I could take walks together and have deep conversations. Since starting back to school full time, this is what I have missed the most, but it's not just walks with my son I have missed, but it’s lunchtimes with both kids. It’s having them come tell me about their classes in between each class. We had a lot of family time. Yes, sometimes too much. For the most part, it only strengthened us as a family. During the summer, the kids and I hiked all the time. Our family has played more games together than ever before. With things getting back to “normal”, we’re having less and less time to be able to do these things. Kids come home from school and they need snacks, yet they didn’t when they were doing online school. Then it’s time for homework, karate, dance, etc.
It’s not just the time with my kids that I wouldn’t trade, but time with Husband, too. He was able to work from home so much more this year. We were able to talk more, play video games together (I’m getting very good at Call of Duty), and just relax. Last night, I was able to relax with him for approximately 45 minutes between all of the things we needed to do. It was a huge reminder of how crazy our life is when things are “normal”.
If I’m being perfectly honest, I’m not ready for things to go back to “normal”. I liked having time. I liked slowing down. I liked not having to be social and fake with people that I don't want to waste my valuable time with. The things that really matter to my family, they didn’t change much. My daughter has had dance throughout all of this, even with some it being virtual. My son has had karate, with some being virtual.
One year later, I never thought we’d still be fighting this virus. One year later, I never thought I would have to explain my every decision, to both sides, because we fall somewhere in the middle. We have been told we’re living in fear because we wear masks. Yet, it’s actually a mandate. I would love to know how we live in fear when my kids go to school in person, they still do dance, karate, and soccer. Kids had a full ski season and we have never prevented them from joining clubs they are interested in, though many clubs have been cancelled this year. Yes, we have only socialized with a small group of people, but, let me be honest, I like it better that way. On the flip side, we’re getting crap for doing too much. Taking precautions does not mean living in fear, nor does living your life while taking precautions mean you are being reckless. This year, we’ve lost the ability to see middle ground. Then we bring the vaccine into the mix and it’s like there are only two sides. There aren’t.
At some point in the past year, people lost respect for others. I have friends who have kept their kids home and are just starting to do more things now. We’ve seen them this year, outside, and masked, because we know that’s how they feel comfortable and we’re great with that. We’ve seen friends this year, outside, unmasked, because all of us were comfortable with that. We’ve gotten coffee, inside, with a very select group of friends, because we are all OK with it. It’s about respecting what people feel comfortable with. Yet, sometime this year, people have decided it’s fine not to respect other people. That’s not exactly true. The anger, hatred and defiance have always been there, this year just brought it to the surface.
I spent too much time this year letting all of the negativity, from all sides bring me down. I still have days where the negativity consumes me, but for the most part, I broke the cycle. A large part of that was stepping back from social media. I barely see actual people’s posts anymore because I have flooded my feed with beach pictures, Ireland and Scotland pictures, funny stories, dog pictures, and food posts. The Facebook algorithm has decided that’s what I want to see, and they are correct (though I could do without all the vitamin ads, I seem to have been targeted for those, too). I know this annoys a lot of people that I don’t see their posts, but I’ve been way happier and if it’s something someone really wants me to know, how about shooting me a text? I mean who wouldn’t be happy looking at a sunset over the ocean or castles on a hillside as opposed to angry words about the world? By stepping away from certain people and social media, I’ve been able to do things that make me happier. I’ve gotten back into doing yoga on a regularish basis, which always made me happier. I squeeze in walks with my family, or just the dog, when I can. I have read more books in the past three months than I read all last calendar year. I bake, not only for my own stress relief, but to help cheer people up. Doing kind things for others always lifts one’s spirits. A few weeks back, I had unexpected coffee with a friend, and decided I need to do more of that. Please note, I also see the privilege in all of this. There are people who do not have the time to do these things and I’m not blind to that. I would never tell people to make sure to cut out more time for themselves when their time is so very limited. However, I would say, try to do more of what makes you happy when you can, even if that means blocking out the whining kids, barking dog, and needy husband while you take that first sip of coffee so you can truly enjoy it for those 5 seconds.
I really wanted to end this with my biggest take away from this year, but I can’t. This year has been filled with so much, that there is no just one thing I have learned. There is not one main theme. The past 365 days have been such a roller coaster, filled with more twists, turns, and loops than anyone ever anticipated. I’ve learned a lot and lost a lot. Maybe the biggest take is that we just keep going. Just keep swimming...