Life isn't fair. We hear this a lot. There are those that believe life is what you make it. There are those that believe you should be handed everything just because they think they're better. But under all of it, sometimes, life just isn't fair. This school year has broken my little boy. Things have started to look up the past month or two, but once broken, no one is ever quite the same. At the start of the school year, I had a socially awkward little boy who bravely faced every day, knowing who he was, trying to figure out his place. He had a passion for knowledge and wanted to go to school every day so he could learn. He started out first grade excited and ready to embrace every last bit of information they threw out it him. As the year progressed all of it changed. I won't deny that Husband and I had a part in that, but all you can go on is the information you receive from teachers since we can't be with him every moment. There are 5 weeks left of school and my boy has changed into a socially anxious little boy who wants to retreat and not face the day. He wants to crawl inside his own imaginary world so that he doesn't have to fit in. He still has a passion for knowledge but he doesn't believe he will ever get it from school. He seeks it out on his own. He comes home from school relieved that one more day has passed and he made it through. He doesn't want to talk about school, ever. He doesn't want to go to second grade. I handed my over my little boy to people who are supposed to help him, shape him, but they snapped him. Again, I fully take some of the responsibility for that. Since January, I have been trying to make up for that. I've been trying to help him put the pieces back together. When I look at my little boy, I'm angry. Angry at myself. Angry at the teachers. Angry at the school. Angry at the whole educational system. I can't take that life isn't fair for him. I can deal with what life throws at me, but when it's hurt him this badly, I'm just at a loss. I've been trying to help him take what life throws at you and turn it into something good, but he's 6. He's so strong though. He's the strongest, bravest person I know. He wakes up every day and he gets it done. He faces his fears without complaint. He excels at his school work even though the environment in which he's in makes him want to quit. Watching him deal with all this so young breaks my heart. Seeing how he keeps going makes me proud. I can see him trying every day to put the pieces of himself back together. He'll manage. He'll get through this. Husband and I are here to help him. My worry is how many more times can he go through this before he can't be put back together? Life isn't fair. The brave keep going anyway.
2 Comments
Anniekins
5/2/2013 09:45:40 am
My heart breaks for you guys. But also for the other kids who might have parents less involved to not notice the changes in their child and advocate. Being an engaged parent has a price tag. And you are a wonderful one which explains the hurt. I'll keep you guys in my prayers <3
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Dori
5/2/2013 01:11:13 pm
I wish I could share this with the world. It is possibly one of the most beautiful things I have ever read.
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