I seem like a have it all together because my anxiety would take over if I didn't. I have plan upon plan. List upon list. I am ultra organized. The days I'm not as organized are the hardest. The days I don't make a list, those are the days where I barely function. Those are the days I can't breathe because I'm lost, alone with my anxiety telling me everything I do is wrong.
I live with physical pain. There are days that are so bad that my list and my planning fall apart because I physically can't do it. People are aware I have physical limitations, but they don't know exactly how bad they are. Most days, my pain is manageable, but it's always there. Pain takes a toll on you mentally. Every time there is something I can't do, the anxiety takes over and tells me I'm a complete failure at everything in life. It tells me to quit trying because I will never be able to do anything.
The truth isn't pretty. That's why no one wants to ever hear it or believe it. People pretend everything is great. I pretend everything is great. The difference is, I know that things will be OK. I am a hell of a lot stronger than most people. People who have never experienced these things would be debilitated. I have lived with these truths for 20 years. I do not use these as excuses. In fact, there is something about anxiety and pain that makes it so you do the opposite. You push yourself, sometimes past the breaking point, to prove they don't rule you, and then you pay for it later. Every day, I fight. There are some days I don't win, but I don't back down. The truth hurts, but I refuse to give in.