I don’t want that for my children. When I was little, my hair had to always be perfect. I have very wavy hair. For years, I was made to brush it straight. Anyone who has wavy/curly hair, knows when they brush their hair out, it ends up looking like a lion’s mane. As of a week ago, I was told to “do something with my hair”. My person always makes a point to tell me how great my hair looks on especially curly days because she knows how I grew up. When Sunshine was little, my mom would ask her, “Didn’t your mother brush your hair?”. For years and years, I would panic when we’d go see my parents and make sure both of my kids had perfect hair and mine was always pulled back so you couldn’t tell what a curly mess it was. A little over a year and a half ago, Sunshine got highlights. She mentioned how Nana would make some sort of comment about them. That’s when my IDGAF attitude about my hair and my kids’ hair began. I no longer felt like I needed to make sure everyone was perfect so that comments wouldn’t be made. Know what? Comments were still made, but it started to become a running joke. Even though my attitude changed, some days, I don't want to deal with comments so I give in and pull my hair back before visiting.
The other day, Sunshine asked me if I liked her outfit. I didn’t. I mentioned I wasn’t a fan of the shirt. I also told her she looked super cute. She said, “But you just said you don’t like my shirt,” I informed her that one has nothing to do with the other. Just because I don’t like something doesn’t mean it doesn’t look good or I’m going to criticize it. It’s so important that both my kids know that I love them unconditionally. I don’t have to like how they wear their hair. I don’t have to like their clothing. I don’t have to like their handwriting. Their towels don’t have to be dry at all times (if you know, you know). I have tried to instill this in them. If they like it, that’s what matters. If it’s inappropriate to wear, I will 100% make them change. If it’s completely illegible, I will make them rewrite it if it’s for class. I want them to understand this is not an attack on their person. None of that stuff matters in the big picture.
What matters is the kind of people they are. Their hair, handwriting, weight, clothing, towel status, etc, makes zero difference who they truly are inside. Of course all of those things matter in certain situations, but to constantly criticize people for things doesn’t make them a better person. It makes them feel little. It makes them want to hide. It makes them feel like they aren’t good enough. I never, ever want my kids to feel like they aren’t good enough because they are more than good enough. They are exceptional.