We all need time to recharge.  Adults and kids.  That's why we try to make the most out of our Christmas vacations.  We believe in sleeping in, lazing around, and not having a bunch of stuff planned.  This year, we switched it up a little, but to add a day of fun.  We surprised the kids with a trip to Universal Studios.  The kids had such a great time!  They experienced their first real roller coasters, which went better than anticipated, they got to explore Hogwarts, Hogsmeade, and Diagon Alley, and so much more.  The most stressful part of the day was getting on the shuttle to get back to the hotel.  

After Universal, our vacation was pretty low key.  That's just the way we like it!  We did a lot of swimming and playing at the beach.  I finished reading one book in one day, which is unheard of when I'm at home.  We slept in late, ate when we felt like it, and had lazy days.  When we got home, it didn't change too much, other than Husband had to go to work three of the days we were back.  We had a couple of days where the kids never got out of their jammies.  I call that a success!  

Going back to school yesterday was tough.  Getting back into the swing of things is never an easy transition.  Poor Sunshine had a hard day.  Hoping today goes better for her and we get our groove back quickly!

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The theme of this school year for me has been "disconnected".   For some reason, this year, my head is in the clouds.  I float, day to day, not completely sure what's happening.  I usually start out the day strong and think of all the things that need to get done.  By the time I get paper and a pen to write them down, I've completely forgotten what I needed to do.  I have spent a lot of this school year running back and forth because I can't get my act together.  Every time I think that I've got it together, I realize that I've forgotten something, yet again.

I've also been disconnected from my friends this year, which also may be part of the problem.  For years,  my friend and I have spent hours chatting on the street corner or at my house.  This year, both of our girls are in safety patrol, which means earlier drop off and we don't get to see each other as much.  There's after school, but it's not the same.  We all have places to be and things to do.  

Being a stay at home mom is a gift.  It truly is.  However, no one talks about the loneliness that comes with it.  No one talks about the feelings of guilt and the pressure that goes along with it.  Since I stay home all day, everything should be done, and perfect.  Normally, things are all done and run smoothly.  They are never perfect, but that's been ok.   Things are no longer running smoothly though.  I have forgotten big events, even when they are clearly marked, and I'm scrambling to figure out how to change things around last minute.  I've always been the person who has at least two back ups for my back-up plan.  Now, I don't even has one back up plan. 

By this time, I normally have baked a ton of Christmas goodies.  This year, I've baked almost nothing.  I usually enjoy baking, but, lately, it's seemed more like a chore.  I'm hoping that after the holidays, I'll be more focused and can get my "Christmas" baking done.  

If you are a person for whom I dropped the ball, I'm sorry.  I am really trying.  I am doing my best to get my head back in the game.  I am hoping to reconnect to my life after the craziness of the holidays.  I'm hoping this break from school and activities will give me the time I need to recharge.

Bravery comes in many different forms.  Those who rush into burning buildings are considered brave.  Those who fight in wars are considered brave.  Those who put their lives on the line every day are considered brave.  Sometimes, we forget to look at the smaller acts of bravery that may not affect many, or any, people, but define who one becomes.  

I've discussed how brave my son is.  How, for years, he was bullied, but he walked into school every day, ready to face whatever was waiting for him.  It takes a special person to want to go and try again each day.  This, too, is the kind of bravery that people see and recognize.  

Sometimes, though, bravery is quiet.  I never really realize how very brave Sunshine is because her bravery comes quietly.  It hit me the other day when I watched her walk into the empty school building, alone, at 7:20am for art club.  We both knew she was a little early.  Had that been me at 9 years old, I would have either made my mom go in with me or I would have waited to walk in until more people were there.  Sunshine, she walked right in, never hesitating.   I found out later that evening that she was the only student there for about 10 minutes.  She was almost completely alone in the building other than one teacher, who had her help him set up for bell choir (which she's not in) so that she wouldn't be sitting alone and waiting.  It didn't phase her that she was the only student there.  It didn't make her want me to go in with her or wait until other people came.  The next morning, for choir, she once again, got out of the car and walked right in.  

It got me thinking of other quiet ways Sunshine is brave.  Sunshine stand up for kids who can't stand up for themselves.  Last year, while friends of hers were making fun a little girl in their class with autism behind her back, Sunshine spoke up and told them to stop.  She told them that [K] was very nice and they need to stop making fun of her.  This, in itself, is brave.  Speaking up for what you believe in is always brave, but, the stood up to her friends.  It's one thing to stand up to people you don't really know, it's another to stand up to your friends.  

Both of my children in brave in ways that I could never be.  They both walk into situations where they don't know anyone and aren't sure of what they're doing, and they flourish.   That speaks to their character.    I worry so much about their futures.  I worry if they will succeed.  I worry if they will find love.  I worry if they will be happy.  The one thing that I don't have to worry about is if they will be brave enough to go after what they want.  I know they will find that bravery in themselves.  I know they will continue to stand up for others, even when it's not the popular thing to do.  I know that they will find the strength to get through rough times.  I pray the continue to be as brave as they are throughout their lives.  I am so lucky to have children who teach me, every day, the meaning of bravery, and inspire to be brave as well.

Doing the right thing is hard.  I talk about this with my kids all the time.  We talk about doing things because they are right and not for recognition or expecting something in return.  Still, it's hard and sometimes tiring.  I'm so thankful that I married the most generous, kind, loving man in the world.  He keeps me doing the right thing, even when I'm tired of it.  I have a short temper and I can't tolerate watching people I love get the short end of the stick.  When it comes to doing the right thing with certain people, I have a very hard time.  Husband keeps my compass straight. 

The thing about doing the right thing is that, while it's important, it's also important to do what's right for you, first.  You know that whole fasten your oxygen mask before helping others, that applies here, too.  I have learned that I can't do everything for everyone.  I refuse to sacrifice some of myself and my family for others, no matter who they are.  There are just some people that are in your life that you can't keep doing the right thing for when all it does is hurt you or your family.  

But, we always try.  Trying to do the right thing is important.  When we can do something, we do.  It's just as important for my children to see us do the right thing with people who never do a thing for us.  I refuse to let it hurt my family, but I also use it as a teachable moment.  

So, we'll keep doing the right thing.  Our little family, we have the right stuff, even when other people don't.  
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My husband is a natural born leader.  People look to him for leadership and for what to do on a job rather than "bosses" who are bossy.  In a Management 101 class that I took nearly 2 decades ago, the professor stated that in order to be a good boss, you needed to respect your employees.  Right there is the difference between being bossy and being a boss.  When little girls are bossy, you tend to hear that they will make great bosses someday.  This is just an excuse that parents make for their child's behavior.  Being bossy does not equal being a good boss.  When little boys are aggressive to get what they want, or bully people into doing things, the same tends to be said about being a good boss.  Good bosses do not use intimidation.  To be a good boss, you need to be a leader.  Leaders are different than bosses.  Leaders do not need to "boss" people around to accomplish a goal.  

What got me thinking of all this is that my daughter is applying for the leadership group at her school.  When my son was in 4th and 5th grades, he also wanted to join this group.  The problem for him was that the kids who bullied him had joined this group and he didn't want to be part of that.  It's sad that our society has trouble seeing the difference between leadership and bossiness/bullying.  Too often, outsiders see these traits as being good at leading.  It's once you have to work with these people that you see that's not true.   It's once people start to quit and leave and not want to be around those people that others start to see a problem as well.  In order to be a leader, you don't need to be loud and outspoken.  You need to stick to your convictions while working with others to obtain a common goal.   I'm proud to say that my children excel at that.

Both of my kids have natural leadership skills like their father.  However, leadership skills also need to be nurtured.  When my children are being bossy with their friends, we nip it in the bud.  We remind them to listen to see what their friends are thinking and then compromise.  Both of my children are excellent at compromise.  Compromising doesn't always mean giving in.  Some people believe that in order to lead, you must always get what you want.  This just isn't true.  In order to lead, you must know when to push and when to ease up.  You need to listen to others, not pretend to listen, but actually hear what they are saying, even if they aren't saying it. Sometimes, the best leaders are the quiet ones who listen and take it all in.  Listening is critical for being a good leader, and one can't listen if they are too busy bossing others around.

There are moments in life in which you realize how blessed you truly are.  Some are little, like everyone, including dogs, sleeping in until 7:30 on the weekends.  Some are bigger.  Sometimes, the moments hit you out of the blue.  The first day of Run Club with my daughter was one of those moments that came out of nowhere.  For Run Club, the end event is a Color Run.  She can't do it for a couple of reasons.  Even though she can't do the run, she still takes part in Run Club.  She does this because she enjoys it.  She doesn't need praise.  She doesn't need recognition.  She doesn't need to be the best.  She doesn't need everyone to know that she's in Run Club.  The thing is, this is how she is with everything in her life.  I see so many kids who only do things for praise or some sort of recognition.  I see them doing things just for the attention.  They may not even enjoy whatever it is they are doing.  I see kids who say they don't want to do something because it's boring, but then get recognition for it and decide they want to continue, even though they were just ready to quit.  The other thing I see is kids deciding not do something because they aren't the best at it.  That is something Sunshine doesn't do.  She does things because she is passionate about them, or at, the very least, she thinks they're fun.  

Life is not about constant praise and recognition.  Life is not about being the best at everything.  You need to do things because they are the right thing to do or because you enjoy them.   A life lesson is that there is always someone out there that is better than you at something.  The opposite is that there is always someone worse, also.  There are things you have to do.  There are things that are right to do.  There are things that are fun to do.  The trick is to balance them.  At age 9, Sunshine is well ahead of the curve on this one.  

There was a point where Sunshine asked what her "thing" was.  She listed friends and their "things".   She was upset because she felt like she didn't have a "thing".  I let her know that passion was her "thing" .  She is passionate about everything she does.  She puts her heart and soul into everything.  She doesn't focus on just one thing and has a huge range of interests.  This kid does everything.  She is in soccer, softball, dance, science olympiad, girl scouts, safety patrol, glee, and more things I can't think of at the moment.  She does these things because she enjoys them.  She doesn't expect praise or special recognition.  She just does them because she enjoys them.   

She also doesn't make excuses when she doesn't want to do something.   I can't tell you the number of times I've heard excuse after excuse about why someone isn't doing something.  When Sunshine doesn't want to do something, it's because she doesn't enjoy it and she's upfront about it. 

It has been hard to see this summer go.  It started off with me being upset about things we didn't get to do, but, after writing that post, things turned around.  Our summer was incredible. 

One of reasons our summer was so great was my father-in-law.  I now know what it feels like to have people around who are willing to help out with anything, and it doesn't even have to be an emergency!  I have to say, I'm now even more jealous of people with help.  It was amazing.  There was a lot less stress.  I didn't have to worry about how I was going to get kids from place to place.  I didn't have to worry about it I had to run to a doctor's appointment.  Grandpa was in town and more than willing to do whatever was needed.  Even better, there is now such a strong bond with Grandpa and Monster.  Monster got to see Grandpa almost every day.  It was so wonderful watching their connection grow.  

Aside from Grandpa being here, we ended up getting most of the things on our bucket list accomplished.  It was just a matter of prioritizing.  Sure, there are things we didn't do, but I'm over feeling bad about that (except when I look in my freezer and there are no blueberries, but I'll get over it).  Both kids said that this was such an amazing summer.  They didn't look at the things we didn't get to do, they looked at all the incredible things we did do.  The best part, was that those time included when we just hung out at home and did nothing.  

It's funny because even though it is so very hard to say good-bye to summer, having a great summer made the transition to school a little easier.  We are all extremely sad to see summer go, but knowing that we "aggressively summered", makes is better.  

First week of school was fantastic.  Kids like their teachers and are, so far, enjoying learning.  Monster and Sunshine are both really enjoying Social Studies thus far this year.  It's both of their favorites.   

We have one last weekend of summer fun and then it's on to all of our fall favorites.  So, Good-Bye Summer.  You were amazing.  Looking forward to seeing you next year!
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Explaining priorities to children is a tough thing.  They don't quite understand why people do what they do.  Heck, I rarely understand why people do what they do.  However, we need to explain to children how priorities, values, and lifestyle choices all go hand in hand.  Not only do we need to explain it to them, but we also need to show them.   Growing up,  priorities never had to be explained to me or my friends.  We saw what the priorities were and we understood them.  Growing up, almost all of my friends came from the same type of household.  We were all middle class with one or more working parent.  Occasionally, someone would get something super cool and expensive, but it wasn't like you see today.  I also grew up in a very different neighborhood than where I'm raising my children.  

Where we currently live, we're in the minority.  We live in an area where it's almost all upper middle class to upper class.  It's tough when you see all of your friends getting fancy phones or tablets or things as such.  It's OK to want those things also.  But, for our family, that's not a priority.   

When we decided that I would be a stay at home mom, we realized there would be tough choices to make.  We realized that we wouldn't be able to get a lot of fancy stuff.  Our priorities are our family's well being.  We have a decent house, that requires upkeep.  That's a priority.  We eat healthy and live a healthy lifestyle.  That's a priority.  We go on one vacation a year.  That's a priority.   Spending time as a family is a priority.  My kids' safety is a priority.  

So, when my kids see things that contradict our priorities, they don't understand.  Frankly, some of it is downright hard to explain since I can't understand people's choices either, but we try.   Still, it's hard for my kids to see all of the "stuff" their friends have and they can't get. 

But it's not just the "stuff".  It's also the freedoms.  We are on the stricter side of parents.  It is a priority to us that our kids don't spend their lives in front of the television.  It's priority to us that our kids stay safe online, so we have very strict  internet rules.  My 9 year old does not have a phone with data.  The only time she can use it is when it's connected to wifi.  She is not allowed to watch YouTube on it.  In fact, we took YouTube off of her phone and my 12 year old's phone.  So,when they see their friends who are allowed to download whatever apps they want and spend hours on YouTube, it's hard to understand why we don't allow them to do the same.  

My hope is that, one day, my kids will understand why we live the way we do.  I hope that they will see that we all have to choose what is important to us.  I hope that they will see that they are our top priority.  I hope that, when they have families of their own, they will see how hard we worked to show them that family is a priority to us, even if it's not to others.  

I live for summers.  I love having time to relax with my kids.  I love letting them sleep in and having very little to do.  We have a bucket list that we love to do every summer.  We fill our summers with laughter and joy.  I'm not here to say all of the wonderful things we've been doing this summer and make others feel bad about not doing anything.  Instead, I'm here to tell you the truth.  This summer has been hard.  

I have great expectations when it' comes to summers.  Unfortunately, my expectations remain the same even though my children have more and more packed into their schedules.  So far, our summer has consisted of two things:  karate and softball.  There has been very little else that we have done.  Monster has karate 5 days a week.  The only reason he's not there more is because the studio is only open 5 days.  The thing is, he loves it.  Karate is his passion.  Then there is Sunshine and softball.  Sunshine started a new league this year.  When we started, I truly thought she wasn't going to like it because it is definitely more hardcore than her previous league.  I was incorrect.  She loves it!  I've watched her, and her entire team, come so far this year.   They are out there having fun, which is so very important. 

Here is where I have to give a huge thanks to my father-in-law.  We honestly could not be doing the things we do this summer without him.  In fact, I've been so spoiled with having help that I may not be able to figure out how to get kids places come fall when he leaves!  His help has made all of the difference.  I don't have to worry about how I'm going to get someone to or from an event.  He's there to take whichever kid wherever they need to be!  It's also made a huge difference to both of my kids.  Sunshine actually has someone other than just me and Husband to watch to her softball games.  She gets sad because she's one of the only kids who only has her mom and dad there to cheer her on.  This summer, she's also had Grandpa!   Monster is loving having Grandpa here because they have time to hang out.  For the most part, Grandpa has karate duty.  Once a week, they do dinner, just the two of them, and hang out playing chess and other games after karate.  It is such an amazing experience for Monster.  I honestly don't know how parents with no help do it.  If it wasn't for Grandpa, I would have missed so much this summer by having to run kids from place to place

With both of my kids having such a great time and doing things they love, why should I be upset about summer expectations?  I put a ton of pressure on myself and our summer.  I know that we have very few summers left.  I want to make them as special as possible.  I can't tell you how much I have cried over the fact that it's mid July and we haven't gone to the zoo yet or that we missed out on picking strawberries this year.  I'm upset about it because, very soon, my kids aren't going to want to go to the zoo with me.  Soon, they aren't going to want to pick strawberries.  They are growing up so fast and they are filling their summers with more and more things that are just for them.  In the next few years, they are going to have jobs and girlfriends/boyfriends and hanging out with Mommy is going to be thing of the past.  I want to fill their summers with memories so that when they look back on their childhoods, they can recall that every summer, we would all go to the zoo.  Every summer, we would pick strawberries (or blueberries or raspberries ...I'm slowly forgiving myself about missing strawberry picking since there are other fruits out there to pick).  I want them to look back at their summers and not think of how busy they were, but rather how carefree summer days were and how much we enjoyed being together as a family. 

When you look at the big picture, I have only 6 more summers until Monster goes off to college.  Six.  I don't know how the first 12 have flown by so quickly.  And I look at this summer and can't believe we're over halfway through.  I want to slow time so that we can fit every last fun thing in.  I want them to be able to sleep in until noon, but still have time go places, to swim all day, to laze around the house.  I guess what I really want is more time.

With all that being said, we have had an amazing summer so far.  It's been busy, but good.  We've done soccer camp, Camp Invention, Young Naturalist Camp, art classes, picked raspberries, gotten ice cream, made s'mores, gone to baseball games, gone swimming, and more things from our list, plus lots of karate and softball!  There are only 5 weeks left of summer.  Almost every day has something scheduled, but I plan on enjoying the moments we have together.    And I WILL get a zoo trip in!