First, you are obviously men. Or, you are super models. Either way, you don't seem to know anything about real women or jeans. Amazingly, not all women out there are built the same. I happen to look like I have a butt like a 12 year old boy. Know what that means? It means that EVERY SINGLE PAIR of jeans out there is baggy is in @$$. The "skinny" jeans (who thought those were a good idea?) that fit so snugly on my thighs and calves are baggy in my butt. "Curvy" jeans, well, just forget it because not only is the butt super baggy, but the hips have extra material. Low rise jeans? To get ones that fit me in my butt or hips, those leave a muffin top. The ones that come up to my belly button, well, those are just ugly, but still, HUGE IN THE BUTT. Come on! I can not be the only female on the planet with a tiny tookus.
Let's say I am though...fine, in that case, we'll move on to "stretch" material. Now, as I gained weight, I really thought this was a great concept. In theory, it certainly is. But even at my heaviest, though I was still able to say I fit into my size 6 jeans, they stretched out so badly by the end of the day that I could pull them off without unbuttoning them. Know what that means? That means that when you coach T-ball and are running around the bases with little kids, your pants fall down. No, I'm not exaggerating. These jeans, though they don't have a large number on the tag, stretch out to fit two of you into them. Even worse is that after one wear, even washing doesn't ever return to a size or shape that will ever work again. Sure, day 1, with a little extra weight, they felt awesome for 3 hours. After that, they might as well advertise that they are disposable.
How about we move away from the fit. Let's go to design. I had to, tragically, go jeans shopping a bit ago. I was "fortunate" enough to also have to take both of my kids with me, because everyone knows that if you are going to be tortured with trying on jeans, you might as well go all out torture and take two kids into the dressing room with you for this experience as well. But I digress... As we are looking for a size that will fit Mommy, Monster finds a pair of jeans and asks, "Why do these have holes in them already?" Good question kid. Back in the Debbie Gibson days, you wanted holes in your jeans, you cut them. Also back in the Debbie Gibson, ripped knee era, we didn't understand why our mothers freaked out when we cut holes in our jeans. Now, any mother, especially those of young boys, know why our mothers freaked out. I think Monster has only 2 pairs of jeans left without holes. Jeans that I am constantly patching. So, why is it we now buy our jeans to look like 7 year old boys have been wearing them on the playground? Personally, I've got enough enough pair of ripped jeans, ones that I didn't buy that way, and would prefer to spend the $50 or more on jeans that are all there so they can just rip with age.
Aside from ripped jeans, who came up with the good idea to have your back pockets button? A guy definitely had to have pitched that. Guys stick their wallets in their back pockets and they don't want them to fall out. Makes sense. Well, women work differently. I stick my phone, grocery list, money, coupons, and, when I'm being lazy, credit cards back there. I need to access them easily. I don't want a button. For this, I know I'm not the only woman out there who hates this concept. I've had conversations about the damn butt buttons with quite a few women. And while on the topic of pockets, if you are going to put front pockets in jeans, how about make them big enough to put things in. Pockets are not fashion statements, they are function. They hold things. When I'm waiting, they even hold my hands, expect when I buy stupid skinny jeans where just my fingertips fit into those itty bitty front pockets. COME ON!
The next thing, I'm totally guilty of. I bought jeans with stars on them. They are actually "Rockstar" jeans. At the moment in time I bought them, I, once again, had two children with me, who thought that they were super cool. Here's a tip, don't take fashion advice from a 4 and 7 year old. These particular jeans aren't too obnoxious, but when I went shopping last, I saw jeans that I couldn't understand why people would ever want to wear. My jeans are bad enough with black stars, but the jeans that I saw while shopping were some very bold statements. I saw dark blue with tiny white hearts. I saw horizontally striped blue and white jeans (horizontal stripes on anyone's butt isn't a good idea, even if you have a tiny tookus). Then there are the jeans with the fade lines right around your groin. Why are we trying to draw attention to this area? And how about butt designs. Now, a lot of them are really cute, but the you come across pairs where the entire backside is bedazzled. That can't be comfortable to sit on. I mean, these things aren't just little sequins, they are huge rivets. Obviously those aren't meant for the moms who are sitting on the hardwood floors with their kids playing Candyland.
Can't people make jeans with style and function anymore? I get that over time, women have always suffered in the name of fashion. However, as society has evolved from the Victorian era, shouldn't fashion have evolved as well? Why is it women are still having to choose between style and comfort. I guess that's why I'm a t-shirt and jeans girl. Jeans that are constantly too big in the butt. I won't suffer for fashion. So, Dear Experts, there is your goal. Come up with clothes that fit real women and are functional. This shouldn't be as challenging as you all seem to make it.
A Mom Who Just Wants a Damned Pair of Jeans That Fit