My parents still live in the same house they did when I was growing up.  I never moved until I moved out.  In fact, my parents, other than college and the army, have lived within a 20 mile radius of where they currently live their whole lives.  I ventured a whole 35 miles south to set roots.  

I remember growing up I wanted nothing more than to travel and move around.  I was going to live in LA.  I was going to live in NYC.  I was going to live in London.  I was going to live in Paris.  I was going to live in Tuscany.  I was going to live in Inverness.  I was going to live in Dublin.  I was going to live as  far from Cleveland, Ohio as I could get.  

I didn't think about being close to family when we settled down here.  We thought about the fact that Husband had a job here.  When we were looking for houses though, we did think about family being close.   We stayed in the area.  We actually stayed within 5 blocks of our townhouse.  When Husband was thinking of joining the FBI, we thought about roots and family.  He passed on it and we stayed.  That's when it hit me that I've changed.  I don't want to pick up and move around.  I want to be settled.    I desperately want a bigger house, but I love my location and some of my neighbors.  

Recently, a friend of mine got me thinking about this.  She has moved with her family 4 times in the past  7 years and they are moving again.  Other friends have done the same.  One friend has three kids, all of whom were born in different places, that's how much they moved.   I used to think that would be glamorous.  Now I think it's a hassle.  I don't want to pack up my life and leave the support group I've worked so hard to build.  Even though our families are around, we don't see them.   My support comes from my friends.  My kids' support also comes from my friends.  My neighbor has not missed one of my kids' performances or "graduations", yet grandparents have only been to maybe one or two.   How could I leave that?  How could I uproot everyone and start over and try to find what I have here?  Twenty years ago if you would have told me I would feel this way, I would have told you that you were crazy.  I loved living out of  suitcase.  Never knowing what tomorrow would bring.  Luckily, I have a husband who feels like I do.  He would rather pull out his fingernails with pliers than have to pack up and go through the hassle of moving.  Does that mean we never will?  No.  But, until a "can't pass up" opportunity comes along, we're in it for the long haul.

It's 50 degrees.  In winter.  In Northeast Ohio.  For the second year in row.  Last year, I appreciated it because I really don't like snow.  Or cold.  I was concerned about global warming, but figured last year was a fluke.  This year, people swore that since last winter was so mild, we'd have feet and feet of snow by now.  We've got rain.  In December.  

I'm torn.  The part of me that despises winter is appreciating the mild weather and happy that it's rain and not snow.  However, there is a bigger part of me that is very worried about global warming.  I'm sad for the polar bears.  The polar icecaps are melting at an alarming rate.   We have a great book for the kids called Polar Bear, Why Is Your World Melting.  It simplifies global warming for children to understand.  Our family is one that does their part to help the environment, but there are so many people who don't think it's important.     

I completely understand how people who live in NE Ohio don't think global warming is all that bad if we're just getting mild winters.  However, we're also getting ridiculous summers.  It's so hot we can't go out.   Then there's the allergy and bug factors as well.  Monster's allergies were awful this year.  His allergist said most people's were.  Since the winter was so mild, it didn't kill off a lot of allergens.  The bugs have also been bad this year.  Again, the mild winter didn't kill them off.  I'm shocked how people don't find these things related.  Then there's TX, which got more snow this year than they had ever seen.   

I think people are confused about what global warming actually does.  To simplify it, it messes up the weather.    It causes droughts where it used to be wet.  It causes floods where it used to be dry.  It increases disease and insect infestation.   It's not just about it getting warmer.   This year, Arctic sea ice was the lowest since records began.  Since 1979, Arctic sea ice has declined at a rate of 13% per decade.  In 2000, the largest single block of Arctic ice began cracking.  It had been around for approximately 3,000 year prior to that.  By 2002, it had split completely in half and is now breaking into small pieces.  Permanent ice caps are shrinking at a rate of 9% per year.  Permanent.  That means they are supposed to stay around.   Want a really scary fact?  If it continues at this rate, summers in the Arctic could be ice free by the end of the century.  That's our children's life times.  

With polar ice cap melting comes a rise in ocean waters.  Sandy.  Katrina.  Those names ring a bell.  And then there's the horrible tsunamis.  I don't think people fully understand the impact humans have on the environment.  If you're a true bible person, you could just chalk all these events up to being "God's wrath".  He's purging the sinners.  I remember people saying this about Katrina.  New Orleans was a place of sin, so God was wiping it clean.  I don't believe in that.  I believe that we humans did contribute to these events, but not because we're sinners, but because most people just don't want to take the time to take care of the earth. 

Most of us take good health for granted.  That is until something happens.  As most of you know, I have pain issues.  I wouldn't call them heath problems though.  I'm actually a very healthy person *knock on wood*.   I tend to over do a lot of things that make me realize I need to handle with care.  When I'm down with a migraine, I realize that I tend to take migraine free days for granted.    I also realized most people take their health, in general, for granted.  

Recently, my mom just went to some specialist to see if she was a carrier for the breast cancer gene.   It made me think of how healthy I've been.  It made me think of how healthy my grandparents were.   It made me think of how healthy my father is.  My mom is really the only one who is not in tip top health shape, and even she's not bad.  She gets more colds than anyone in the family, but that's still not bad.  Yes, she had cancer, but she beat it.  Then she gave me the news.  We really are a healthy family.  I'm in the clear for the breast cancer  gene.  That means so is my daughter.  My sister in law was tested and she does not have the gene either, which makes it clear on both sides for Sunshine.  

Life is so fragile.  Anything can change in an instant.  Husband's side of the family does not have the great health my side.  There are some serious auto immune issues that make me worry for Husband and children.  However, I can't do anything about what could happen in the future.  I can appreciate good health now.  And I remember to appreciate it much more when I'm migraine free.

I get my ability, or lack there of, to deal with strong emotional situations from my father.   You know the Barenaked Ladies song that says, "I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral"?  Well, that's me.  Nervous?  Sad?  Worried?  Please don't come to me.  I don't know how to deal with it.  Anger and happiness I can handle.  The rest, please find someone more emotionally balanced.  Yesterday morning, Husband made me realize, again, how much like my father I am.  I had to go to the dentist.   I hate the dentist. Before going to work that morning, Husband so kindly told me, "I know you really don't want to, but you need to just go to the dentist and get this done.  It will be better so that the tooth doesn't get worse."  That's where the sympathy thing hit me.  Had the situation been reversed, I would have told him to suck it up and just get it done.   

When emotions get too high, I resort to sarcasm.  Sarcasm I get.  I understand it.   When I'm sad, sometimes I want to be comforted and sometimes I want to be left alone.  I guess that's part of where my issue comes in.  I don't know what's expected of me.   A friend of mine and I were talking about it.  She told me that when her mother was dying, she emailed all her friends and told them she didn't want to talk about it and she didn't want people fawning over her.    That's the kind of thing I need.  Tell me what you want me to do.  Do you need someone to sit and watch you cry?  I can do it.  I'd be uncomfortable, but I can surely do it.  Need someone to get you drunk.  I'm happy to do that!  Need people to just leave you the hell alone.  I'm all over it.  I honestly just need it spelled out.  I'm not opposed to giving a comforting hug.  I need them, too.  I won't completely ignore the situation.  I'll offer my support, but please tell me exactly what you need as support.   If you don't, here's what's going to happen, and I'm putting this out there so there are no surprises, I'm going to tell you how sorry I am (and I truly am, for whatever it is that is upsetting you.  Then, if the situation calls for it, I will give you a hug.  After that, I'm done.  That's where you need to come and tell me what you need.  "Can we talk?"  "Let's go get drinks"  "I want to be left alone"  Whatever it is is fine, tell me.    And here's my return deal, I'll tell you.  About 90% of the time, I don't want to talk about whatever is bothering me.  I want to either wallow or forget it.  If I want to wallow, I'll tell you that I need coffee or something stronger.  If I want to forget it, I just need someone around doing anything to keep my mind off of it.  On that rare chance I want to share, you'll know because I'll actually start talking about it.  

So that's the deal.   I suck with high emotional situations unless I'm specifically told how to act.  You tell me and I'll tell you.  Unless you're Husband.  Then all bets are off.  You just need to be a mind reader of what I want and I'll force you to talk about how you are feeling about every last second of your life.

Through all the craziness, I have done a couple of crafts and found some cool new products to use.

Wash and Brush Timer.  I had seen this a while back and bought it to give to Sunshine for Christmas.  Her hand washing has been so fast lately, that I couldn't wait until Christmas to give it to her.  It is great.  Only problem is that Sunshine is three feet tall.   I have it affixed to the mirror and she has trouble reaching it.  So, I still have to be in there to push the button for her to wash her hands.  Good thing is that she's doing a much better job of hand washing.  Teeth brushing is also a little easier with this, but my kids are good teeth brushers anyway.

Thankful Wreath.  I had found some cute wreaths for autumn on Pinterest, but none were exactly what I had been looking for.  I had thought of using this one and adapting it to make it into a thankful wreath.  Then, I found the "Wreath of Plenty".   It was exactly what I had been looking for.  I sat down with the kids and Husband and we all came up with things that we were thankful for.  Best part of this one is that we can add to it year after year.    Unfortunately, I didn't have straight pins and the thumb tacks just didn't cut it for securing the leaves.  Each time the door closed, leaves would fall off.  Next year, I'll have straight pin ready to go!

Number Balloon Scavenger Hunt.  I had originally pinned this to help Sunshine with number recognition.  I never got around to it doing it for her.  A couple of weeks ago, Monster had a friend over.  I decided to do this for them as a scavenger hunt.  They loved it!  Sunshine and I hid all the balloons before the boys got home from school.  The pack of balloons I got had 15 balloons, so our hunt went from 1-15.  The boys had a blast finding them.  I promised the boys that I would make it more challenging next time.  Next time,  I'm going to put math facts on the balloons and they need to solve them and find them in order.  

A week after Monster and his friend played, Sunshine had her friend over and the balloons were still sitting in the laundry basket.   I decided to try it with Sunshine and her friend.  Once again it was a hit.  Since they are only 3 years old, I didn't hide the balloons, just spread them out every where and they had to find the numbers.  They played it three times in a row!  

Beer Cap Ornament.  A friend of mine and I are going to be making snowmen bottle cap ornaments.   We have so many  bottle caps, that we will never use them all for snowmen, so I found this idea and loved it!  I made this wreath for another friend.  I used all Great Lakes Brewing Company caps because she loves Christmas Ale.   Husband thought it was super trashy, but I knew my friend would appreciate it.

Solar System Model.  A friend of mine took Sunshine to swim lessons on day, so Monster and I had time to ourselves.  For Mommy/ Monster time, we built a model of the solar system.  Monster got an awesome science kit that had the model in it.    It was so much fun to work on this with him and have some one on one time.  He even let me paint Neptune, which is my favorite planet.

Snack Skewers.  For Sunshine's snack day, she wanted to take grapes and blueberries.  I figured I'd try to make it easier for her teachers and I skewered  the fruit.  Since the kids are only 3, I cut off the sharp ends.  This is about as creative as I can get with snacks.

We are also currently working on transforming the train table into a Lego table.  All the train pieces are packed up to be put in storage.  We've bought the base plates.  We just need some time to get it all together.    Monster is very excited about it.  He's asked Santa for Legos for Christmas so hopefully we get it all done before the man in red arrives.

I've got a ton of projects to finish up before Christmas.   Hoping I get the motivation to complete them.  The good news is all the gift shopping is done, so that frees up time for other things.  Sunshine moved up a level in swimming, so the time is different.  I'm hoping that gives me some time to finish projects up as well.    Stay tuned!

Some days, it's a fight just to keep my head above water.  This has been the kind of week where I should have just gone back to bed.    And stayed there all week.    I'm not sure if it was coming off a 6 day holiday break, Husband being out of town, the full moon, the 4 day migraine or what, but this week was a struggle just to stay afloat.  

To give you an example of what I'm talking about, here's a highlight from my week.   We went to Applebee's for dinner with friends while Husband was gone.  Things aren't going too badly, but then the kids break down in literally a matter of seconds.  Sunshine spilled an entire glass of water across the table.  As I'm cleaning up the water, Monster starts whining about how he is still hungry and begins to throw a fit because I won't order him more food.  I had just ordered him more food about 5 minutes before.  While I'm dealing with the spill and the whining, Sunshine spills another glass of water, this time all over herself.  I pick her up to dry her off and Monster starts sobbing uncontrollably   Sunshine is screaming at the top of her lungs for me to stop and she's hitting me.  Monster keeps screaming, "No, Mommy!  Don't!"  It seems like I beat my children.  As I'm fighting Sunshine to dry her off, I ask Monster what he thinks I'm going to do and he tells me he doesn't want me to put his sister in the car.  I calmly explain I have to dry her off.  The whole restaurant is staring. 

That evening, I took time.  Time to just think.  Time to evaluate.  Several things that I came up with were that, first, I was  being too hard on myself.  Second, I was being too hard on my kids.  We just have bad days.  It happens.  I knew right then, though, that nothing was going to get better if I let it all get to me.  The rest of the week was awful, too, but my mindset was different.  I still felt like I was drowning, but I could at least see a floatation device coming toward me.  It gave the strength to keep fighting.  By last night, my whole out look had changed.   So had the kids'.  Everyone was calmer.   

My weekend will be better.  Next week will be a new week, with new challenges, but I'll face them.  There will be more bad weeks.  However, there will be so many more good ones as well.