It's funny because if a doctor would tell me to put one of my children on medication, I would have researched it like crazy. But when the doctor put me on, I just said OK. I did a basic read over the pamphlet the pharmacy gives you, but, really, how often do you get side effects. Plus, the first 6 months, I was pretty much side effect free. What they put me on the medication for, now that I know what it is, I can control it myself in other ways. I should have known something was wrong when after 6 months, what I was put on the medication for was back, just as bad. However, the doctor just upped the dosage, which didn't work. I shouldn't have let it go on for 3 years. It's just that when you see a little success, you see hope, you see a light. Can't change the past though. You can just learn from it. I have learned that I will research any medication, supplement, whatever, a doctor tries to put me on before agreeing to it. I have learned that sometimes, the side effects are worse than the problem. I have learned to trust my instincts in knowing something is not working for me and something isn't right instead of what other people think. I will not make this mistake again. I'm not saying "modern" medicine is bad. It's not. It can be life saving. There are some things though, that aren't life threatening, that just aren't worth the bad things that can follow. A pill isn't always the answer.
For the past three years, I have been on a certain medication. I fully believe it ruined my life. OK, not ruined, but definitely complicated. There are certain things that are beyond one's control, like side effects of medication. The only choice there is to stop taking the medication, or deal with the side effects. One huge problem comes when you don't know that the things you're experiencing are side effects. I spent three years not knowing why I was gaining weight. I had all sorts of tests done, by two different doctors. They had theories, but nothing conclusive. Each knew the medication I was on. Neither even suggested that might be the cause. I was having anger issues, I figured it was the stress of having two children as opposed to one. I thought it was that Sunshine never slept. I thought it was my inability to parent effectively. Know what my doctors did? One upped the medication I was on. One suggested I go see psychologist. And one suggested a bunch of different natural supplements to enhance mood and relive stress. None ever mentioned that a side effect of this drug was rage. This was a side effect I knew about, but figured that couldn't what it was since I had six months on this medication with no rage issues. My whole life, I have always been warmer than most people, but I was so hot all the time. I was even having hot flashes. This, they actually told me was a side effect, but they could put me on another medication to help with it. No, thank you. My heartburn was brutal. I was tired all the time. I was weak. Doctors and I figured it was my weight issue causing these issues. No one mentioned this could all be from the medication. At the end of November, a friend of mine had some issues on the same medication. Our symptoms were almost exactly the same. I decided it was time to do more research, which I should have done before going on the medication. However, when a doctor tells me I need something, I tend to go with it. Anyway, I found that though a lot of these side effects are rare, they are all side effects. I decided I needed to stop. I decided I needed to see what was the medication and what was me. As of the first of February, I was completely weened off. This particular drug still stays in your system a month after being completely off, but I started to see a difference starting in January with taking a lower dosage. I was less angry. I wasn't as hot. In February, even though it was a horrible, horrible month, I slept better. I was even more control of my emotions (which were anger, but it was controlled anger, directed anger). I started to have more strength back. This month, every single side effect is gone. It's not a mental thing. I'm not imagining it. Since February 5, when I went to the doctor who put me on the medication, I have lost 9 lbs. and I haven't changed a thing. I haven't been exercising more or eating better or worse. I have changed nothing. February sucked, but I made it through with no rage issues. I have been actually sleeping. I have more energy. I'm cold (ok, not so much cold, but not as hot). I can feel, which is odd since the medication made it so I had no emotions other than anger. It's funny because if a doctor would tell me to put one of my children on medication, I would have researched it like crazy. But when the doctor put me on, I just said OK. I did a basic read over the pamphlet the pharmacy gives you, but, really, how often do you get side effects. Plus, the first 6 months, I was pretty much side effect free. What they put me on the medication for, now that I know what it is, I can control it myself in other ways. I should have known something was wrong when after 6 months, what I was put on the medication for was back, just as bad. However, the doctor just upped the dosage, which didn't work. I shouldn't have let it go on for 3 years. It's just that when you see a little success, you see hope, you see a light. Can't change the past though. You can just learn from it. I have learned that I will research any medication, supplement, whatever, a doctor tries to put me on before agreeing to it. I have learned that sometimes, the side effects are worse than the problem. I have learned to trust my instincts in knowing something is not working for me and something isn't right instead of what other people think. I will not make this mistake again. I'm not saying "modern" medicine is bad. It's not. It can be life saving. There are some things though, that aren't life threatening, that just aren't worth the bad things that can follow. A pill isn't always the answer. ***As a side note, the medication I was on had nothing to do with my migraines, except intensified them, and nothing to do with my back/neck/joint pain issues. I'm a currently medication/supplement free for all issues. I'll be starting up supplements again, one at a time, for migraines, as suggested by my doctor, but I will be closely watching for side effects***
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I'm trying to get back into trying new recipes for my family. It's so difficult because Sunshine and Husband are so picky. Monster will eat what I put in front of him, but will politely say, "No, thank you" if you ask if he wants seconds. I know it's a REALLY bad meal when Monster asks part way through if he can just be done. I had one of those meals this week. Chicken Tortilla Bake was my total flop of the week. Looking at the recipe, I should have known from the start it would fail. The recipe, in theory, should have been something at least three of us enjoyed, but, it called for condensed soup. Now, we just don't use that kind of stuff to cook with in our house. Every time I try, it turns out horrible. Maybe it's just too much sodium for us or maybe our bodies are rejecting the added MSG, but whatever the reason, no one in my house will eat anything that is cooked with condensed soup (and yes, that includes green bean casserole, only Husband and I will eat that, and we're not huge fans). Yet, I keep trying recipes that call for cream of whatever soups. I think this time I've finally learned. This meal was so horrible that Sunshine just looked at it, Husband wouldn't even get a plate of it, Monster struggled through about 5 bites of it, and I managed to choke down one serving. Then we broke out bread and butter and fresh fruit and tossed it. I'm sure that for people who use cream soups and enjoy them, this would be a fine meal, but it's definitely not one for our family!
The second recipe I tried this week that got mixed reviews was sausage balls. I thought for sure it would be a hit with the kids and Husband. I, personally, don't like sausage, so I went into it knowing I wouldn't be thrilled. It actually called for an ingredient I'm betting most people have in their house, but I had to go out and buy just for this...Bisquick. Now, to be honest, I'm not really even sure what Bisquick is, so that should have been my first clue that this meal might not be winner. Regardless, the making of these was a bit more difficult than I anticipated. Getting the Bisquick mixed in with the sausage was frustrating. It was just very dry, and I cut the Bisquick by one cup (thanks to my neighbor's advice, I can't imagine if I would have used all three cups!). Once it all actually got mixed up, it went smoothly. For Monster, these were a huge hit. The kid gobbled them up. Sunshine just looked at them, even though sausage is one food she completely loves. I ate a couple, and they weren't horrible, but they were dry, so I could see why Sunshine didn't like them. Husband thought they were OK, but, again, very dry. I made the dipping sauce the recipe has with it and he definitely didn't like that (the kids and I don't like Mustard, so none of us even tried it) I'm thinking that with the right kind of dipping sauce, these would have been much better. Another problem with these is that they don't reheat well. It makes so many balls that, unless you're cooking for about 5-8 people, you're going to have a lot of leftovers. They are dry to begin with, so reheated, they are even worse. Maybe one day I'll make these again, but not any time in the near future. My biggest problem seems to be finding new recipes that don't have a bunch of added junk. We aren't a processed food family. If you check out our fridge and pantry, we have barely anything that has ingredients we can't pronounce. We don't have any foods with added food coloring. Does that mean I make everything from scratch? Heck no! We just don't have a lot of canned, boxed, or frozen stuff on hand. Winter's in Ohio make this pretty difficult because of the lack of fresh fruits and vegetables. We don't like having to buy our produce from Chile. We prefer to buy local. Sound like a food snob don't I? Well, I kind of am. A friend of mine just posted some recipes she found with no processed foods. I'll be trying out some of those, but I can almost guarantee Little Miss Sunshine is not going to be happy with any of it. Thankfully, she'll eat vegetables now *knock on wood*, so I load her up on those! I'm also on a bread making kick, so she can load up on that as well! And as a side note, I do occasionally make "junk" food. I just made brownies with artificially colored St. Patrick's Day sprinkles on top! I fight to be positive. I have to. It's in my blood to be negative. Coming down off of a month like February has me fighting to once again try to focus on the good and remember that the bad is not so bad, especially compared to last month. To try to get back to my "old self", I'm working on appreciating others. Too much of life is spent chastising others for what they do wrong instead of building them up for what they do good. This does not mean I won't speak up if things are bad, it's just that I will also speak up when things are good. I have always tried to go to store managers and tell them of a particular employee that was especially nice or helpful. At swim lessons, I tell the head guards about great instructors and how much we appreciate their hard work (especially because these instructors are 15 and 16 year old kids for the most part). I try to randomly call friends and family to tell them how much I appreciate what they do for me, not just after they do something, but all the time. My neighbor is so very special to us, so I occassionally surprise her with flowers as a little reminder of how important she is. With all the problems we have been having at school, I thought the principal should know that I appreciated him taking time to be concerned about what was going on with Monster. I happened to see him outside, so I went up to him and told him "Thank you." He seemed uncomfortable with it. I know his wife, so when I saw her the next day, I told her that I thought I made her husband extremely uncomfortable. She told me he was probably just shocked someone was thanking him and not complaining. It has apparently been a very rough couple of weeks at the school in general. So, this week, Sunshine and I baked cookies for the staff. No matter what the problems are, it's not everyone's fault when things go bad, yet a lot of people like to "kill the messanger". I try not to do that. If I feel like I'm going to take out my frustration on whomever I'm talking to, I try to give fair warning and apologize in advance.
I firmly believe that telling people the good they're doing is just as important as correcting the other stuff. Last night at dinner is an excellent example. My kids drove me nuts. They weren't horrible, but there was definite room for improvement. I let them know how disappointed I was. I spelled out the behaviors that were inappropriate. Then, I spelled out the good behaviors as well. I pointed out what they did right. For Monster, that made all the difference. He went from being defensive to actually thinking about his negative behavior and being sorry for it and coming up with ways to improve next time. Sunshine, well, either she's stubborn, too young, or both, because she just didn't care. We'll work on that. It can wear on person when all you hear is negative feedback or people telling you what to do. Maybe it's the Early Education background that makes me believe in positive reinforcement, but it works, and not just with little children. We all have our insecurities and it's nice to know that we are appreciated and are doing something right. So today, make it your mission to tell one person you appreciate them and they are doing a good job. Believe me, it will not only brighten their day, but yours as well. February is my least favorite month of the year. It's usually the coldest, snowiest month in Northeast Ohio. It also holds two of my least favorite days of the year, Valentine's Day and my birthday. This year, my birthday came and went and no one was the wiser, which is how I like it. This year, February was just so much worse. Though it only had 28 days, it felt like an eternity. The crappy weather didn't help with it. I'm not sad to see February go this year. It's kind of hard to say if March has come in like a lion or a lamb. It's snowy and cold, but not horrible. My hope is the March, all of it, is like a lamb and not at all like a lion. Hopefully, it will be a month of getting back to a happy family. Getting back to fun projects. Getting away from chaos. I am determined to make this all happen. Tomorrow will be better.
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