The week before school started, my anxiety was in full swing. That, in turn, made me very sad. I cried. A lot. We found out who the kids had for teachers and who was in their classes. Everyone was happy. We met the teachers and they all seem fine. My babies still had to leave though. Day 1 of school, I cried, of course. I didn't cry as much as i would have if people didn't keep me busy. Kids came home and they both had fantastic days! Day 2, I cried, but again, people kept me busy. I had lunch with a friend. Didn't realize how much I needed it until after it was over and I felt relief. Kids, once again had great days. Same with day 3. But for me, day 3 was different. I didn't cry. I was still antsy and wanted to go get them at noon, but I didn't cry. The weekend came and went too quickly and day 4 was upon us. I finally got things accomplished! I still looked at the clock a lot and prayed they were OK, but it was a little different. There wasn't the dread that I usually feel each day of school.
I honestly forgot how much I can accomplish without children around. I've said before that I'm a crazy, detailed list maker. In the summer, my lists had two things on them because I knew that would be all I could accomplish. Yesterday, I had almost a full page list and had accomplished all of it by noon! Even with the immense amount of things I can accomplish with the kids back to school, I really miss having them here. As I type that, it sounds a little crazy since I break up about 50 fights in the hour in which they get home from school, but I digress.
Back to school was going alright. I was missing the kids, but doing OK. And then Labor Day Weekend came. We had an amazing weekend. We made our annual trip to Chautauqua. Kids went to bed late and got up early, so there was no sleeping in, but that just gave us more time to fish and canoe. We spent almost the entire time we were there out by or on the water. Sunshine wanted to be canoeing every second and Monster could have just sat and fished all day if we let him. We didn't do anything extraordinary. We didn't spend a ton of money and tour every last thing. We didn't pack our day so full of activity that we had no down time. We simply relaxed and had fun. That made sending them back to school tough for me. They were fine and completely ready to head to school on the following Tuesday. I just wanted some more of that freedom back.
We've had a full, regular week since then. I'm back to my "to do" list and getting things accomplished. Kids are back into the school/karate/dance/soccer groove. I miss them and worry about them when they are at school, but I know it's just part of them growing up. For me, the back to school blues never go away, they just become easier to manage. It's hard for me to trust that others will protect my children like I will, especially since I've been let down by the school so much in the past. It's a new year though, and I'm trying to keep the past in the past. However, for those people who say let go of the past, they don't seem to remember that the past is what has shaped up into who we are today. So, I'm doing my best to keep my head in the present, but take the lessons I've learned in the past with me.