What else this made me realize is that, since the end of October, I've been doing a really poor job seeing the positives. I've found things to be grateful for, but not things to have positive, happy feelings about. To add to it, there has not been one day of 2015 that someone has not been sick. Whine, whine, whine. There is a point where you can be grateful for what you have, or at least grateful things aren't worse, but there is also a point where you can literally skim over all the bad. Since the end of October, I'm not there. I look back at pictures over the last 2 months and think, "Wow, we did that?". The joy was somehow ripped out of those events and replaced with just, "Glad it's not worse" . Last year at this time, I was looking around my kitchen thinking things, like, "Wow, even though my kids are home my house looks awesome! How great is this?" This year, I'm thinking things like, "At least my kitchen is clean, but what about this and that". Toward the end of October, the positive got sucked out of me. When did I stop appreciating the little things? And, for the record, gratitude is different than positivity.
This has to stop. We have been nonstop sick since we got home from Florida. Yesterday was the first day with none of us on an antibiotic. Yesterday, also happened to be a very productive, fun day. Yet, I was angry. Not for anything in particular, but for a lot of general things. I' was mad because my friend's father passed away. I was mad because I forgot to put the clothes in the dryer and had to rewash them. I was mad because Monster doesn't have enough room on his bookshelves for all his books. I was mad because Sunshine doesn't have enough room in her bedroom. Three months ago, I would have looked at yesterday and been thankful that my friend had such an amazing father and truly appreciated him while he was alive. I would have not given a second thought to the clothes in the washer and would have laughed it off. I would have been happy that my son loves reading so much and thankful for how much he loves his books. The small room thing, well, that would have made me sad, but all the rest would have made that one small part OK. Three months ago, a day like yesterday would have been filled with happiness. Yesterday, not so much. Maybe it's a bad time to even write this post, but I don't foresee a good one coming. How's that for positive thinking? For people who know me, they know that this isn't me. I am the find the good in things person.
I've stopped having fun with my kids and truly enjoying them and that is unacceptable. I'm doing the gratitude thing to hopefully get me back into seeing the bigger picture. I know I need to take baby steps. Each day is a new start, right? Life is about taking the bad with the good. Today I'm going to look for the rainbow behind the rain. Wish me luck.