It's funny how the feeling of not being enough can really take over quickly though. I finished making the kids' favorite meal and decided I needed to figure out the bug thing. So, I let them eat dinner watching Looney Tunes. Every time I take the "easy" way out, I feel like a failure. However, I would never have figured out that these bugs are, in fact, not ticks, had I not done that. I still don't know what they are, but not ticks is a good start. I could only see this positive though while sitting here and typing. At the time, I felt like a bad, lazy mom.
Then Husband called, right as Looney Tunes was ending. He needed me to book him a room because he was driving and couldn't do it. Now there are dishes stacked up, kids running around like banshees, and I'm trying to hear him on the phone to book a room. To top it off, I couldn't get the place he wanted first. I ended up booking one for a higher rate. Again, not enough. I could have done better. I could have been typing on the computer while doing the dishes and I could have figured out a way to entertain the kids and get the room at the lower price! Right?
Thankfully, bedtime came very shortly after. We all snuggled in Monster's bed and read stories. When Daddy is gone, we have the tradition of still getting bedtime songs. I got to sing "Baby's Boat" to Sunshine and give her good night kisses. Then, I got to sing "Baby Mine" to Monster. I got so choked up, almost couldn't do it. I was engulfed by the feeling of not being enough. How could I ever be enough for my precious angels? Then, this happened. Tucking Monster in, I say, "Good night, see you in the morning." I poke his nose and then say, "Actually, I'll see you tonight when you're sleeping, but you'll see me in the morning." He replies, "Maybe I'll see you in my dreams." I tell him, "I hope they're good ones then". He says, "With you, they will be."
I am enough. He believes I am enough. They are the ones that matter most. If I am enough for them, then I have to be enough for me. So, tonight, before I head to bed, after a long day of not feeling like I was even close to enough, I will remember that I am. I am enough.