A few months back, I had a thought about not having seen PupPup for a while in the wash. I didn’t think too much about it though. Monster had always been the kid who let me know when PupPup needed a bath. The other day, I was in his room looking for something. And that’s when I found PupPup. A piece of my heart broke. The discarded PupPup was the last of my little boy. He’s going to be 16 in a month. He’s still my baby though. I realize he wasn’t going to go off to college snuggling his PupPup, but part of me hoped he’d at least take it with him to remind him of home.
Monster and PupPup were inseparable. He could not fall asleep at night without it. I would have to try to find times to wash it that didn’t interfere with naps or bedtime because there was no sleep without it. We bought so many other puppies that were close, but none could replace PupPup. I remember the panic I used to get when taking PupPup anywhere with us for fear of losing it.
I don’t think Monster even realizes PupPup is missing. Maybe that’s the hardest part for me. Maybe if Monster had made the choice to put PupPup aside, it wouldn’t be so hard for me…..that’s not true, it would probably be harder! He honestly has no idea PupPup is even gone. I left PupPup wedged between the wall and the bed. I’m sure that soon, I’ll get up the courage to dig him out and wash him, one last time, and put him with all of the other discarded stuffed animals. But I’m not quite ready just yet. If PupPup stays where he is, I can pretend for a little bit longer that my boy is still my baby. I can pretend he still needs his PupPup and his Mommy.