During this time, I began to feel like I was ungrateful for what I had been given. I felt as though I wasn't looking hard enough for the good. Here's what I learned....You can been grateful and sad all at the same time. That's something people don't understand. I tried so much to turn my mood around. I have been actively participating in the 52 Weeks of Gratitude challenge. I completed and surpassed #100happydays. What those things made me realize was that, even when things are bad, I always find the good and am grateful for what/who I have in my life. Even with those things, I was sad. I also realized that I was never sad for me. I was sad for those around me. I was sad for my son who was being bullied. I was sad for my daughter who watched her brother going through such a hard time and start to go through her own difficult time. I was sad for the person in my life who was experiencing pain. And I was scared. I'm still scared. Being sad and scared does not make me ungrateful. It makes me human.
One year ago, my life changed. Being who I am, I forced myself to look for positives. When I didn't come up with positives, I at least came up with gratitude. Sometimes, when we're in the middle of hard situations, we can't see where we are headed. Looking back, I can see some things more clearly. Those who know me know that what I'm about to say is extremely difficult for me to say and it's a huge step.....this past year has brought me closer to God. I'm still extremely uncomfortable talking about it, but I'm grateful for steps in the right direction. Our struggles over this past year have also helped me to see my son more clearly. It has made me do more research on gifted children and it has made me more vocal in standing up to bullying. Because of where my life journey took us at the end of last school year, I have taken more steps to advance my son's education on my own. At the beginning of this school year, we were thrown a curveball with our daughter feeling self doubt and already starting to have trouble with girls being mean. It helped us to see our head strong little girl's more sensitive side and adjust to how we respond to her.
One year. Normally this is where people say they have come full circle, but we're not there. We still have no answers to some questions. We are still playing the waiting game. We are still holding our breathe until the other shoe drops. But, one year has also given us renewed hope and courage. Our family unit is strong. One year has taught us we all need each other. One year has made it clear that, together, we can get through anything.