I’d like to sugarcoat things, but, honestly, it’s family that does this to me. Nothing is ever enough and my needs mean nothing. It’s like this all year, but the holidays are the worst. There are expectations that can never be met. We don’t live in a Hallmark movie, yet, it’s what family members seem to believe. Like for the holidays, everyone magically loves each other and gets along. Like things are picture perfect and we have millions of dollars to spend on the perfect place settings, decor, and gifts. We are expected to be people we aren’t. Like the past 40 some years didn’t happen. Maybe our family just doesn’t care to know us. They only know who they want us to be, which then perpetuates the cycle of not living up to expectations.
Years ago, even before my kids were born, we wanted to be the family that gets together with family on a regular basis and does fun family stuff. Unfortunately, we were never good enough. Maybe it’s different interests, but I’m fairly certain it’s just no one cared enough because we aren’t who they want us to be. When my kids were born, I had this idea in my head that it would instantly bond everyone. People would come together for the kids. I could not have been more wrong. If anything, it was the opposite. Try explaining to your kids why everyone else has family at things and they don’t. It’s a fun time. For years, we made excuses, but now, we don’t. I wrote about how I’m a lot. Husband is a lot, too. I guess we’re just too much and not enough of the “right” thing. The hardest part is people are doing the same thing to our kids. There are only parts of them they care to see. The parts that aren’t perfect, aren’t accepted, and the kids see that.
To add upon the stress of never being enough, I also have the stress of not being able to afford enough. I’m so glad I live in an area where buying your kid a $800 phone is not an issue. Oh, your kid bought it themselves? Must be nice that they somehow got the money from people to save up and buy it. Monster works and has been saving his money for years and he would only just now be able to afford a fancy phone if he wanted one. Sunshine isn’t even close. Maybe people need to teach their kids that not everyone can afford every little thing they want and to be kind to those who don’t have as much as they do instead of making them feel bad for not all being lemmings. I work so hard to try to instill in my kids that life isn’t about things, but it’s hard to do when things are constantly being shoved in their faces with their peers telling them they are less of a person because they don’t have the same things. It’s the world we live in. No one is happy with what they have and everyone tells you that you need more to be happy. It takes a long time to understand that things won’t make you happy. I don’t expect my kids to understand this yet, but it doesn’t make all of it hurt any less, all the way around.
People are not kind. People are selfish. People have lost empathy. And it gets to me. I shouldn’t let it. Other people’s expectations are not my problem. But they do overwhelm me. Some days, to the point where I can’t get off the couch until it’s time to pick kids up from school. Some days, to the point where I go to bed at 8:00 to try to forget the day happened. Some days, to the point where I break down into tears for no reason. It will only get worse before it gets better for me. But, I’m fine. I’ll be fine. There is nothing people can do. I just need to get through it. And I will. I really don’t care what other people think or their expectations. I’m just tired and need time. Time doesn’t seem to be my friend lately, but it will all work itself out. Be kind to people. This might be “the most wonderful time of the year”, but it’s also so overwhelming. Everyone is fighting their own battles right now and your expectations of them may be weighing them down.